Science jokes (sorry)

(Comics from the excellent PhD comic - obligatory literature for any grad student)

Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

A sodium atom walks into a bar.
After sitting at the bar for a while enjoying his pint, he suddenly starts frantically looking through his pockets.
"What's the matter", says the barman, "have you lost something?"
"Yes", says the sodium atom "I've lost an electron".
"Are you sure?" replies the barman
"Yes, I'm positive."

"Barman, a pint of adenosine triphosphate please"
"Certainly sir. That'll be 80p"
(you need to say that one out loud for it to work)

Did you hear about the molecular biologist who swallowed a beaker full of restriction endonucleases?
He came to a sticky end...

A infectious disease walks into bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve infectious disease in this bar."
The infectious disease says "Well, you're not a very good host."

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar."
The bacteria says "But we work here! We're staph."

A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve any superconductors in this bar.
The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

An infrared photon walks into a bar and says "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

A neutrino walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve neutrinos in this bar."
The neutrino says "Hey, I was just passing through."

The Higgs boson walks into church.
The Priest says "We don't allow Higgs bosons in here"
The Higgs boson says "But without me, how can you have mass?

A statistician walks into just your average bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve statisticians in this bar."
The statistician says "Well, you're just mean."

Some helium gas just drifts into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in this bar."
The helium didn't react.

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Mathematicians should be integrated into society, but it would mean giving them more powers.

What do you do when you find a dead chemist? Barium

What’s round and growls? – A vicious circle!

What type of bear dissolves in water? A polar bear.