Capsule reviews - Eyjafjallajokull week

exlovers/Jonquil @ The Bull 'n Gate This was promising to be a very busy week for me, with no less than 6 gigs in 7 days, starting with exlovers. That is, if it hadn't sold out before I managed to get a ticket. Who'd have thought this would actually sell out? Not me at least.

Crystal Castles/Male Bonding @ Heaven Well, at least this was something to look forward to as their first album Crystal Castles really managed to impress me, and I'm very much looking forward to their new album Crystal Castles, though I'm not sure whether I'll prefer Crystal Castles or Crystal Castles as Crystal Castles seemed to have moved on from Crystal Castles. But before Crystal Castles can debute Crystal Castles, they first have to cross an ocean to get here. Which was made quite impossible this week (Damn you Eyjafjallajokull!). So now they have rescheduled their show to my rescheduled Have I Got News For You date. It's probably Nick Cleggs fault.

Fuck Buttons/Factory Floor @ Koko But hey, there's a bright side to this mess! Fuck Buttons are English and in England and are not being thwarted by volcanoes or sold-out gigs! Too bad the decision to go see them was so last-minute that I forgot to take my earplugs with me. And I believe Fuck Buttons were the reason I purchased them in the first place.

Once again, Koko proves its utter lack in qualities that make a venue more than just a venue. Upon entering, a security guy is directing ticket holders towards him in the most blunt way I've ever witnessed. You really feel welcome here. After informing whether earplugs are available somewhere in the building, and being directed from security people, to the reception and bar personnel, physics appear to be the only viable way to prevent from going deaf (as in, according to 4Πr², which represents the spherical shape in which sound spreads from a single point, but also taking into account the acoustics of the room and of course the multiple points of origin, sound levels significantly drop with every metre you remove yourself from the stage - but I might have listening to Prof Brian Cox just a bit too much lately to believe everyone thinks physics are easy peesy, which for the record: they are).

Factory Floor do the honours of supporting  Fuck Buttons on this home game. They sound like a blend between the aforementioned and Holy Fuck, something which I have for some time now wondered what that would sound like. And at times, it's really, really good. Unfortunately, I haven't actually seen Factory Floor as I was building a human shield of tall people as a form of ear plug-replacement, but I strongly suspect them of harbouring a female band member who sings. Ha! How's that for deduction?.

Fuck Buttons are of course a band you don't really need to see, they don't make for a particularly interesting stage performance (even though they've now got an enormous disco ball), so yay human sound protection-shield! They were a bit ineffective though, as I still ended up with quite a buzz in my ears, but it was certainly worth it. I don't think I need to write an awful lot about this band: if you've seen them before you know they are absolutely amazing live; if you haven't, then you probably wouldn't want to see them anyway. This performance at Koko was no exception to their continued live-awesomeness, which is quite surprising given the track record of Koko in sound quality. The solution to this thus seems to be play you're music REALLY LOUDLY. As in, YOU HAVE TO SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE IN SOMEONE'S EAR AND THAN THEY STILL CAN'T HEAR A WORD OF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING-loud. Earplugs, FTW.

Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti @ Cargo  Nope, not happening. Surprisingly not due to volcanoes, but due to other non-disclosed reasons (Nick Clegg?). But hey, there's still that weird seated HEALTH/Chrome Hoof gig at South Bank Centre! And HEALTH are already in Europe and sold out...

Soap & Skin @ The Union Chapel Ah, finally, an artist from Germany! That's gonna be okay, trains are still going, cars are working, boats are a viable option! But no, miss Soap & Skin was planning on flying into London, and as she was taking an entire orchestra with her, there's no way to transport this bunch of musicians to London in time. Again: damn you Eyjafjallajokull!

Holy Fuck! @ The Coronet Theatre Do I really to digress on this?

LCD Soundsystem/YACHT @ Brixton Academy Is this happening? The gig of the week? As James Murphy has now apparently aptly titled his third album under the moniker of LCD Soundsystem: Yes, This is happening. Starting with the utterly amazing band that is YACHT. So there last album See Mystery Lights wasn't all that, live they more than compensate for the few dull and repetitive moments on record. Jona Bechtold, or David Bowie as someone next to me thinks to be a more befitting name for him, should definitely shoot an indie-work-out video. Seriously, he jumps and dances around the stage in a way that would be impressive to even most hyper-active kids. And he still manages to sing. You'd think that this would distract some attention from Claire Evans (or Annie Lennox, according to my neighbour), but she makes sure it absolutely doesn't. Dressed in a leotard, she's a perfect match for Jona. And in the chaos of what is their performance, there is still room for some synchronous dance moves, just adding to the absolutely dazzling effect of what is YACHT. Who wouldn't want to see a Bowie-Lennox collaboration live on stage? I know I would. Yup.

But oh boy, oh boy! It's about to get even better! LCD SOUNDSYSTEM! I'm absolutely in love with their new album. There is even a slight possibility that I might even love it more than Doctor Who. No, scrap that, that would be blasphemy (and has anyone seen last night's episode? It had Doctor Elizabeth Corday and the Weeping Angels in it! Who had thought that of all aliens in Doctor Who, statues could be the most frightening?).

Apparently, one of the reasons James Murphy & co have sold out Brixton Academy twice are their multiple appearances on the 'best of the decade' lists by Pitchfork. Something that doesn't appear to lead to people actually listening to their music in advance though. If they had, this minority had been warned about the absolute impossibility to remain immobile during songs like say, 'Tribulations', 'All My Friends', 'Daft Punk Are Playing At My House' or 'Us vs Them'. But I don't need to inform you of the greatness of almost each and every track LCD has EVER produced. Oh, that moment where Nancy Whang starts the synthesizers on 'Tribulations' might just be the best moment in contemporary music. Who said disco was dead?

All the music mayhem of the week is immediately forgotten when you get to see a band of the likes of this. Everything just works, the new songs fit perfectly with the better known old stuff - though James Murphy grudgingly remarks that we probably know the new stuff as well - well yes sir, AS YOU ALSO POSTED IT ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE THIS VERY WEEK!. Sorry, I was a bit frustrated at that rather bitter and accusingly statement of the man. Other than that short moment, he is his slightly geeky and cuddly self, which is what everyone wants to see (well that and Nancy Whang, but you can't just ask her to go stand on a box, can you?). But it's not all dancing, 'Someone Great' gets the sudden calm it deserves and 'New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down' serves as the perfect cooling down.

If there is such a thing as a low in this two hour long disco-bliss, than it might be 'Pow Pow', which I still just don't get, whereas 'Drunk Girls' is really starting to grown on me, even in the absence of violent pandas. And maybe the absence of 'North American Scum', just because that's exactly what I wanted to shout at the religious Pitchfork followers who didn't move a single muscle. But 'Yeah' was still there (the Crass version, I believe, as opposed to the Pretentious one), as were 'Losing My Edge' and 'I Can Change' and 'Yr City's A Sucker'. Oh, couldn't this just have gone for ever and ever?


LCD Soundsystem - Tribulations
Uploaded by matbole. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

A week in tweets

Photos courtesy of http://picturesfromthedailymail.com/ http://fuckyeahnickclegg.tumblr.com/ and Princes Diana (the Twitter version that is)

Best Save 6 Campaign yet!

It's Nick Cleggs Fault!

With the general election drawing ever closer (just over two weeks now!), the fight is really on, and what a fight it is so far. As the general election in the UK is usually a fight between Labour and the Conservatives, everyone was quite taken aback last week when Nick Clegg of the Liberal Democrats, who was only allowed to partake in the TV debates out of courtesy, won by several miles. Suddenly there was this third party that could really influence the elections, they were even in the lead in most of the polls! (though in percentage of votes, in parliament they would end up with significantly less seats than both the Tories and Labour).

For the UK, this situation is really unique: elections have traditionally been between two major parties, with other parties battling in the sidelines. People are used to choosing between the party forming the government at that moment, and one party arguing against that government. Nick Clegg and the Lib Dems offer a valid alternative to both, which hasn't happened in recent years. This also leads to the situation where newspapers have to suddenly deal with a whole new party. This might sound weird, but you have to realise that in the UK, newspapers tend to ally with one party, either the Tories or Labour. Take the Daily Mail for instance, they're fond Tory supporters and will slack of Labour at every opportunity, ignoring all other parties (except of course the Tories, whom are more wonderful than Wayne Rooney (or his cricket equivalent) in their eyes). Because of this attitude, they have always completely ignored the Lib Dems. After Nick Clegg's (who is half Dutch by the way) success in last week's debate, and the 10 per cent rise in the polls and corresponding dip of the Tories, the Daily Mail decided to take action.

The results of this, and of some other 'news' papers are on the right. All of their claims where proven to be completely bonkers within a few hours, leading to a new Nick Clegg hype: the #nickcleggsfault tag on Twitter. Just click on the link to get an idea of the brilliance of this tag. In just one week, all the backlash Nick Clegg has been getting from the other two parties since the first leaders debate has made him the most popular man in politic since Winston Churchill.

Today, at the second leaders debate, he got a chance to prove himself, and he did so marvellously. Gordon Brown and David Cameron, who were practically blown away last time, were better prepared this time, and it was a close finish, but the early polls are indicating Clegg won again. At times, it was quite pathetic to see Gordon Brown struggling. He had a few lines prepared, which sounded really good and he certainly scored some points there, but he just kept repeating the same things over and over and over again. David Cameron also upped his game since last time, but as he's a Tory I just can't agree with him. The way they addressed each other also stood out for me, as it was always 'David Cameron says this' and 'Gordon Brown thinks this' but Nick Clegg was consistently referred to as Nick. I don't think his last name was mentioned once throughout the night, which again works in his advantage as it makes him more of a 'normal' guy who might as well be your next-door neighbour as opposed to the Lib Dem PM candidate. Best part of the debate though was Gordon Brown's suddenly strong Scottish accent every time he got a bit upset. Next week it's the final debate, and I for one can say I'm already looking forward to that!

I made the news today

Seriously! You can read it here. Okay, so it's not actually about me, and it's published on blog of which I'm a regular contributor, but I still made it into a news item. (And if I did in anyway contribute to LC! coming to Nijmegen I will buy Gareth an NEC shirt)

Stalking pt. 3: Vieze Griek

Name: Yannis Philippakis
Occupation: Singer/Guitarist Foals
Stalking location: Outside Koko

So I'm thinking about giving up my career in academia to pursue a life of stalking semi-celebrities. Today's victim can be seen on the picture on the right (I for one couldn't help snigger at the underwear-model-like-stare-in-the-camera). 

The offences this time took place without a predetermined plan: he just so happened to be talking to some random people right in front of Ilse and me when we were trying to stalk Fuck Buttons-Jap outside of Koko (and discussing the political correctness of calling Fuck Buttons-Jap Fuck Buttons-Jap). After some subtle directions, Ilse also spotted him - though we might have been caught in the act at this point as Ilse seemed to have some problems locating him right behind a tall guy right in front of her (but in all honesty, Yannis is only 5' tall). Whilst discussing whether we ought to tell him he sucked in Kingston two weeks ago, he decided we were staring a bit too much in his direction and walked away. Fortunately, it only took me ten minutes or so to realise that I had to go in the same direction as Yannis, as that is where I happen to live (okay, so I had to take a short detour, but as you'll read, it was worth it). When we finally continued on our mischievous path, we found Yannis (also known as "Die Vieze Griek, since he lost his beard) talking to Fuck Buttons-Jap at the backstage entry. Oh joy! Or stalking efforts rewarded!

Of course we only walked passed them, probably giggling like schoolgirls, but still, I'm expanding my stalking activities outside the realms of Los Campesinos! which can only be good thing.

Speaking of which: De Affaire, the free music festival that happens to coincide with the 4Daagse every year, has an hapsolutely lovaly line-up this year (Sorry, I've been spending too much time on Twitter lately). Only a few acts have been announced so far (Toro Y Moi, Gold Panda, Shearwater, Errors, Holly Miranda, Post War Years), but best of all: Los Campesinos! So now all you peoplez back home can also see them, in Nijmegen, fo free! And if you don't wanna come along for the music, you can come and judge my taste in men, who apparently are balding, slightly overweight and have bad teeth and skin problems, or are, in other words: English.

(And yes, I do seem to have and endless supply of G Campesinos! pictures)

Record Store Day 2010

So this weekend my sister was supposed to come over to experience some bits of what London has to offer. As you might guess at this point, that didn't happen due to 'The Cloud'. She's now supposed to come over in two weeks, so that'll give The Cloud some time to move somewhere else, like Asia, or Greenland. Or for airlines to realise that it's probably perfectly fine to fly just a bit lower, beneath The Cloud. But as she booked the flight with Ryanair, they haven't been the most hospitable airline you can imagine. They did offer her to change her flight once it was cancelled, but as her return flight wasn't cancelled at the time, and she couldn't book a flight to London after her return flight, that wasn't really helpful. Also, if you want to point this fact out to them, you'll have to call them at €0.45/minute, and with literally thousands of persons with the same problem, I think Ryanair are making more money being grounded than when flying.

The weekend was still pretty good though. On Saturday, it was Record Store Day, which I imagine isn't a very well phenomenon in the Netherlands. Basically, it's a day that celebrates the mere existence of independent record stores (as in, decent record stores that are not HMV - and I'm not implying there that HMV is in any way decent) with lots of limited edition releases that are only available at said records stores. Moreover, there are lots of free performances at the participating record stores as well. Best thing this year was probably the release of a new single by Blur, that was UK only, and limited to a 1,000 copies. I actually dreamt that I got my hands on one of these, only to wake up and find out it was 9.30 and Rough Trade had already opened half an hour before. So no Blur, but I did get these:

I'm loving the blue Beach House 12". If only I had a record player here to actually listen to any of these (or the other LPs I bought).
I caught some live performances as well, after standing in a ginormous, but surprisingly fast-moving queue for about fifteen minutes (who said independent record stores and vinyl were dead?). First were Pulled Apart By Horses, who didn't manage to impress me much in Kingston, but this time round they were actually pretty good. Maybe it was the presence of their own drummer, or the absence of shirts, but they really delivered. Second act were Caribou, whom I've seen at the Affaire in Nijmegen last year, but again, wasn't really impressed with. They just released a new album, and I love the track 'Odessa', which is even more of a favourite after hearing it live.

Afterwards, I went to the Queensday celebration at Trafalgar Square. Yes, a Dutch festival in London, and not even on the proper date! But anyway, as suspected the music was horrible (Di-rect was the only name I recognised on the bill, fortunately missed them), but they had poffertjes. And sunshine! I was suprised nobody was drunk enough to dive into on of the fountains. I spend the rest of the afternoon relaxing in Regent's Park, which is what all Londoners do, so it isn't actually that relaxing. But still: sunshine! (and sunburn afterwards)

Today, I went to Cambridge to have a BBQ with some of the people I work with. Again: sunshine! (and more sunburn! yay!). I really like Cambridge: the city centre (as it is a city, as opposed to a town as I've learned today) is a combination of colleges of Cambridge University that look medieval in a good way and little boutiques. As more than half of the city is owned by the colleges, they can determine what kind of shops are allowed entry into their regions, which has mainly led to a complete absence of fish and chip shops. Maybe that's why I felt it was a bit posh, but posh in the nicest possible way. And can I say that I am baffled at how tiresome sitting in the sun whilst sipping wine for an entire afternoon can be?

Amstel Gold Race

1. Andy Schleck

(Or Uncle Andy as Sporza is bound to call him this weekend)

2. Robert Geesink

3. Samuel Sanchez

I also predict Karsten Kroon being somehow involved in the finale, but not making the final cut (not by a long shot). Afterwards he'll claim he just didn't make it, that he doesn't understand how this happened and say he's in the best shape of his life. As I can only watch Sporza from England, I'll predict the commentators there will talk about 'The Hummer from Switzerland' for about 10% of the time even though he isn't even there, 20% will be spend on talking about Andy, Fränk and Leea Schleck (and they'll text some of the wives of the Quickstep/Silence Lotto teams to get their opinion on the matter) and the rest of the time will be spend on Phillipe Gilbert and how it's impossible for him to lose this year.

My life in London in about 5 minutes

Yup, a short summary of what I've been doing so far in England, in just over 5 minutes, made by one of my favourite bands, which is of course Los Campesinos! They've made a video of their last tour through the UK, which just so happens to capture most of my life here from 2:50 to 7:20. From: "Oh look! There's Koko!" (which is the most positive thing you can say about that venue), to Camden Lock Market, Los Campesinos! Live @ Koko (I sustained several bruises there, though the audience looks a bit tame on the video), and best of all: the disappointment of seeing Stonehenge. Also, if you're really bored, they're some bits of Kingston (where I also went to see them, and Kingston, as at the time I was still under the impression that every bit of London would have at least something to offer) from 17:30 on. I'm surprised to find that I appear to be the only blond person there, though I guess that finally proves a certain prejudice about persons of my hair colour wrong.

Oh, and in case you're wondering how my toe is doing after my second and certainly last visit to that place: it's turning slightly black at the moment, so I would be really grateful if someone would have a left foot just lying around, preferably a size 5.


UK Tour Part Deux from Los Campesinos! on Vimeo.

Less is More: Wildbirds & Peacedrums - The Snake

Why is that Scandinavian bands have delivered so many excellent albums over the past few years? Is it something in the water there? The clean air? Or is musical talent just better conserved at freezing temperatures? Whatever it is, Wildbirds & Peacedrums  have delivered another contribution in this line of outstanding Nordic albums with their sophomore album The Snake. The Swedish duo, consisting of Mariam Wallentin on vocals and Andreas Werliin on anything that can be used as percussion, met only four years ago, when they were both studying musical improvisation at the University of Gothenburg. And if that doesn’t sound exciting enough for you, than I can also inform you of the Jazz Act of the Year award they won with their first album, Heartcore. Interesting at the very least, no?

Those jazz influences are most obvious in the vocals of Mariam Wallentin, which at times are even slightly reminiscent of jazz legend Nina Simone (and any similarity, however small, with Nina Simone is an enormous compliment). The albums opens with ‘Island’, a brooding track solely based on mysteriously sounding vocals which immediately set the atmosphere for the rest of the album. With ‘There is No Light’, which was also released as a single, the percussion joins in and causes an abrupt tempo acceleration. The track is an excellent example of the aforementioned jazz influences, with Mariam showing us that vocals can be used as instrumentation as well as any other old instrument.

But it’s not all experimental: ‘Chain of Steel’ is much more of a pop song than the previous tracks with an obvious chorus and melody line. The same goes for ‘So Soft So Pink’, after a short reprise of intro track ‘Islands’. Even with a minimal amount of instrumentation they manage to create a full sound, mainly through Mariam’s amazing vocals, which is again exemplified on ‘Places’, in which they successfully return to jazz and blues.

The album is a perfect balance between more experimental, jazzy jam sessions and tracks that could be best labelled as pop. The Swedish duo show that you don’t need much to create something that sounds absolutely great; less is more certainly applies here. Just take a listen to ‘Great Lines’ or closer ‘My Heart’, which might just be the two best tracks on there. The latter contains the great lines: “Don’t run / You know I’m lost without your rhythm”, which again show the beautiful simplicity and depth of this album. Best thing of all: to celebrate the album’s first year anniversary, the duo are coming to London, and bringing a twelve piece choir in their wake, to perform this piece of music live.

Released 13 April 2009 on the Leaf Label and live at the Bishopsgate Institute on 15 May 2010

Some Vids

What to do when you're being chased in the woods by a guy with an axe:


Winnaar Parijs-Roubaix 2011 (nou, in ieder geval top 10):


En als we toch in het Nederlands en over Parijs-Roubaix bezig zijn: Servais Knaven! Reed de Hel van het Noorden gisteren voor de 16e, en laatste keer uit, na hem 1 keer gewonnen te hebben. Helaas is Mart Smeets een van de commentatoren. Gelukkig zijn de andere twee Erik Breuking en Jean Nelissen en hebben die wel verstand van wielrennen.


En dan ook maar meteen de mooiste Nederlandse overwinning die ik ooit live heb mogen zien op TV: Erik Dekker wint Parijs-Tours 2004

Ik vind het gewoon weer spannend als ik zit te kijken :P

The Life and Death of a Bird

It is always possible to wake someone from sleep, but no amount of noise will wake someone who is pretending to asleep.

(From: Eating Animals - Jonathan Safran Foer)

The second farm I saw with C was set up in a series of twenty sheds, each 45 feet wide by 490 feet long (ed. 14 by 150 metre), each holding in the neighborhood of 33,000 birds. [...] It's hard to get one's head around the magnitude of 33,000 birds in one room. You don't have to see it for yourself, or even do the math, to understand that things are packed pretty tight. In its Animal Welfare Guidelines, the National Chicken Council indicates an appropriate stocking density to be eight-tenths of a square foot (ed. 0.07 m2) per bird. That's what's considered animal welfare by a "mainstream" organization representing chicken producers, which shows you how thoroughly co-opted ideas about welfare have become - and why you can't trust labels that come from anywhere but a reliable third-party source.

It's worth pausing on this for a moment. Although many animals live with far less, let's assume the full eight-tenths of a square foot. Try to picture it. (It's unlikely you'll ever get to see the inside of a poultry factory farm in person, but there are plenty of images on the Internet if your imagination needs help.) Find a piece of printer paper and imagine a full-grown bird shaped something like a football will legs on it. Imagine 33,000 of these rectangles in a grid. [...] Now enclose the grid with windowless walls and put a ceiling on top. Run in automated (drug-laced) feed, water, heating and ventilation systems. This is a farm.

Now to the farming.

First, find a chicken that will grow big fast on as little feed as possible. The muscles and fat tissues of the newly engineered broiler birds grow significantly faster than their bones, leading to deformities and disease. Somewhere between 1 and 4 percent of the birds will die writhing in convulsions from sudden death syndrome, a condition virtually unknown outside of factory farms. Another factory-farm-induced condition in which excess fluids fill the body cavity, ascites, kills even more (5 percent of birds globally). Three out of four will have some degree of walking impairment, and common sense suggests they are in chronic pain. One out of four will have such significant trouble walking that there is no question they are in pain.

For your broilers, leave the lights on about twenty-four hours a day for the first week or so of the chick's lives. This encourages them to eat more. Then turn the lights off a bit, giving them maybe four hours of darkness a day - just enough sleep for them to survive. Of course chickens will go crazy if forced to live in such grossly unnatural conditions for long - the lighting and crowding, the burdens of their grotesque bodies. At least broiler birds are typically slaughtered on the forty-second day of their lives (or increasingly the thirty-ninth), so they haven't yet established social hierarchies to fight over.

Needless to say, jamming deformed, drugged, overstressed birds together in a filthy, waste-coated room is not very healthy. Beyond deformities, eye damage, blindness, bacterial infections of bones, slipped vertebrae, paralysis, internal bleeding, anemia, slipped tendons, twisted lower legs and necks, respiratory diseases, and weakened immune systems are frequent and long-standing problems on factory farms. Scientific studies and government records suggest that virtually all (upwards of 95 percent of) chickens become infected with E. coli (an indicator of fecal contamination) and between 39 and 75 percent of chickens in retail stores are still infected. [...] Seventy to 90 percent are infected with another potentially deadly pathogen, campylobacter. Chlorine bath are commonly used to remove slime, odor, and bacteria.

Of course, consumers might notice that their chickens don't taste quite right - how good could a drug-stuffed, disease-ridden, shit-contaminated animal possibly taste? - but the birds will be injected (or otherwise pumped up) with "broths" and salty solutions to give them what we have come to think of as the chicken look, smell, and taste. [...]

The farming done, it's now time for "processing".

First, you'll need to find workers to gather the birds into crates and "hold the line" that will turn the living, whole birds into plastic-wrapped parts. You will have to continuously find the workers, since annual turnover rates typically exceed 100 percent. Illegal aliens are often preferred, but poor recent immigrants who do not speak English are also desirable employees. By the standards of the international human rights community, the typical working conditions in America's slaughterhouses constitute human right violations; for you, they constitute a crucial way to produce cheap meat and feed the world. Pay your workers minimum wage, or near to it, to scoop up the birds - grabbing five in each hand, upside down by the legs - and jam them into transport crates.

If your operation is running at the proper speed - 105 chickens crated by a single worker in 3.5 minutes is the expected rate according to several catchers I interviewed - the birds will be handled roughly and, as I was told, the workers will regularly feel the birds' bones snapping in their hands. (Approximately 30 percent of all live birds arriving at the slaughterhouse have freshly broken bones as a result of their Frankenstein genetics and rough treatment.) [...]

Load the crates into trucks. Ignore weather extremes and don't feed or water the birds, even if the plant is hundreds of miles away. Upon arrival at the plant, have more workers sling the birds, to hang upside down by their ankles in metal shackles, onto a moving conveyer system. More bones will be broken. Often the screaming of the birds and the flapping of their wings will be so loud that workers won't be able to hear to person next to them on the line. Often the birds will defecate in pain and terror.

The conveyer system drags the birds through an electrified water bath. This most likely paralyzes them but doesn't render them insensible. Other countries, including many European countries, require (legally, at least) that chickens be rendered unconscious or killed prior to bleeding and scalding. In America, where the USDA's interpretation of the Humane Methods of Slaughter Act exempts chicken slaughter, the voltage is kept low - about one-tenth the level necessary to render the animals unconscious. After it has travelled through the bath, a paralyzed bird's eyes might still move. Sometimes the birds will have enough control of their bodies to slowly open their beaks, as though attempting to scream.

The next stop on the line for the immobile-but-conscious bird will be an automated throat slitter. Blood will slowly drain out of the bird, unless the relevant arteries are missed, which happens, according to another worker I spoke with, "all the time". So you'll need a few more workers to function as backup slaughters - "kill men" - who will slit the throats of the birds that the machine misses. Unless they, too, miss the birds, which I was also told happens "all the time". According to the National Chicken Council - representatives of the industry - about 180 million chickens are improperly slaughtered each year. When asked if these numbers troubled him, Richard L. Lobb, the council's spokesman, sighed, "The process is over in a matter of minutes."

I spoke to numerous catchers, live hangers, and kill men who described birds going alive and conscious into the scalding tank. (Government estimates obtained through the Freedom of Information Act suggest that this happens to about four million birds each year.) Since feces on skin and feathers end up in the tanks, the birds leave filled with pathogens that they have inhaled or absorbed through their skin (the tank's heated water helps open the birds' pores).

After the birds' heads are pulled off and their feet removed, machines open them with a vertical incision and remove their guts. Contamination often occurs here, as the high-speed machines commonly rip open intestines, releasing feces into the birds' body cavities. Once upon a time, USDA inspectors had to condemn any bird with such fecal contamination. But about thirty years ago, the poultry industry convinced the USDA to reclassify feces so that it could continue these automatic eviscerators. Once a dangerous contaminant, feces are now classified as a "cosmetic blemish". As a result, inspectors condemn half the number of birds. Perhaps Lobb and the National Chicken Council would simply sigh and say, "People are done consuming the feces in a matter of minutes."

Next the birds are inspected by a USDA official, whose ostensible function is to keep the consumer safe. The inspector has approximately two seconds to examine each bird inside and out, both the carcass and the organs, for more than a dozen different diseases and suspect abnormalities. He or she looks at about 25,000 birds a day. [...]

Next the chickens go to a massive refrigerated tank of water, where thousands of birds are communally cooled. Tom Devine, from the Government Accountability Project, has said that the "water in these tanks has been aptly named 'fecal soup' for all the filth and bacteria floating around. By immersing clean, healthy birds in the same tank with dirty ones, you're practically assuring cross-contamination." While a significant number of European and Canadian poultry processors employ air-chilling systems, 99 percent of US poultry producers have stayed with water-immersion systems and fought lawsuits from both consumers and the beef industry to continue the outmoded use of water-chilling. [...]

What I've described is not exceptional. It isn't the result of masochistic workers, defective machinery, or "bad apples." It is the rule. More than 99 percent of all chickens sold for meat in America live and die like this.

I'm the ghost in the back of your head - Foals/Pulled Apart by Horses @ The Hippodrome, Kingston

Well, at least they have been for quite some time now. After delivering one of the best debut albums in recent years, Foals are now ready to amaze us with some new work as they're preparing to release their second album. And of all places they could have chosen to make their return into the music scene, they went for Kingston, where Primark is the largest shop on the high street (if there even is such a thing as a 'high' street there) and which happens to be one of the few places where the Tories don't even bother campaigning.

After having travelled for over an hour to get to Kingston, standing in line to collect the tickets at the local record store, smuggling Ilse through the 'strictly 18+' control (they didn't even ask for my ID, do I look that old now? Should I start using anti-ageing crèmes?), handing over the just collected ticket so it can add to the already immense pile of shredded  tickets, going through the metal detector (yes... that's Kingston), having my bag checked, queueing for the coat room and waiting to get served at the bar, we are barely in time for the support act: Pulled Apart by Horses (and would that equine reference in the band name be the reason why they've teamed up these two acts?). I'll be honest: PABH is absolutely not my thing, though I can certainly see why one would like it. They're energetic, a bit all over the place (quite literally, much to the security's annoyance) and even have a sense of humour. Kudos to the supply-drummer who had to learn the entire set in one day, which happened to coincide with his birthday.

During the interval the suspense is building, as is the already high level of alcohol in the audience's blood. Okay, so the first random guy who attempts to strike up a drunken conversation is Scottish, nothing out of the ordinary there, but as the 'strictly 18+' appears to be an open invitation for anyone under that age to try to get in - preferably by wearing low-cut leopard skin dresses (or as we would call them: t-shirts) - the majority of the assembled teenagers feel the need to prove their age by going on a binge drinking frenzy. Last time I felt this old at a gig was when I went to see Bombay Bicycle Club and ended up in what felt like a school outing for eleven year olds. So when Foals finally enter the stage, this little fact goes unnoticed by at least half of the audience. But apparently Foals were prepared for this reaction, as they start with a not very noticeable track of their forthcoming album. After having gathered everyone's attention, they don't risk to lose it again and opt for 'Cassius' next, causing me to opt out as one of the drunken guys in front of me decides to land his entire weight on my left foot. And if that doesn't sound egregious enough for you: he did it while grinning at me. Whilst in serious excruciating pain, I manage to literally drag myself to the side which is a bit better, except for the part that in Kingston venues tend to have barriers preventing people from leaving the now full-on moshpit that's going on in front of the stage.

But back to Foals. As my ears are still fully functioning, I can still take in some parts of this evening (dancing or even lifting my left foot of the immensely sticky floor are out of the question). After 'Cassius', Foals continue on their victory path with 'Balloons'. It might be the distraction caused by the possibility of broken bones, but Foals appear to be less energetic and even more closed off from what's going on in front of the stage than the other two times I've seen them. Luckily for them, the audience is very willing to give them a few moments of their attention (once they've managed to locate the stage that is), especially for the new songs. Surprisingly, 'This Orient' works really well live. Compared to 'Spanish Sahara' it may have sounded a bit lost, but apparently it needs a live setting to reach it's full potential. The opposite is true for 'Spanish Sahara': it's absolutely bleak. The entire song builds up to that moment about four minutes in, and when it's finally there all momentum is instantaneously lost and we are forced to see it come to an uncomfortable end much like Gorillaz' deflating superfast jellyfish.

The same goes for all other new songs that are appearing on the track list tonight: they are a total disappointment, though I might be just a bit biased by the excruciating pain I was in. A song by the name of 'Bluebird', which is as tame as the name suggests, doesn't even spark a movement in the most intoxicated youngsters. Foals have certainly broadened their horizon on Total Life Forever, maybe they really wanted to take in everything. But it's just too much. One of the new songs appears to copied from The Cure, something you might expect from Yeasayer as they did it overtly on their last album, but combined with the math rock of Foals it just doesn't work. And it's not just their new work: their rendition of 'Red Socks Pugie' is a lot more general pop and less brooding than it used to be.

When they leave the stage I'm not even hoping for them to do an encore, even though they've left out 'Two Steps Twice', by far my favourite track (excruciating pain remember?). But of course they've got something more up their sleeve, starting with 'The French Open'. And yes, the song really does waste away a bit, like much of the set. But I can't really complain about that song, as it's about to get even worse with their last new song, which is probably called 'Babylon' (Yannis is not the most articulate person). During the intro, I am absolutely convinced I misheard the title as they are obviously covering the XX. It's not until Yannis starts to sing that it becomes clear that this is not the case: they've just 'borrowed' the guitar line. Halfway through, they progress from covering the XX to Three Trapped Tigers. I am very curious at to how this song will be credited on the album.

The obvious set closer is of course the aforementioned 'Two Steps Twice', and finally Foals seem to remember that they are a band and that there are actual persons standing but a few feet away trying to connect with the music they're trying to communicate.Well, Yannis at least. He mounts the largest monitor present on stage, grabs hold of some railings on the ceiling and quite literally throws himself onto the audience. I have to say that this moment was the highlight of the evening, as it got most people moving. Well, at least there are still those albums from The National and LCD Soundsystem to look forward to. Foals can go back to lingering in the back of my head.

Woohoo! New posters!

As the date for the general elections has finally been made public (though everyone has known it was going to be 6 May for ages), the Guardian made an overview of campaign posters, including 2 that were actually used by the Tories. I like the other ones better.

Not at eloquent or witty as the others, but I pass by this one on a daily basis (though they 'corrected' it within a day)

How the Tories campaign on Downing Street...

Labour's response

Yeah, actual Labour poster (they've obviously got a smaller poster budget)

Oh, and Lib Dem are also rumoured to be campaigning, though this is the only prove so far they have

Capsule reviews #10

Her Name is Calla/ worriedaboutsatan/ The Monroe Transfer @ The Lexington Don't you just love it when, without having any real expectations, you just happen to run into something magical? Okay, so worriedaboutsatan's album Arrivals ended up in my top ten of last year's best albums (third revision, and so far final version) so I did have at least some expectations about this night, but still, always nice to see them being lived up to, or in this case, outdone.

It all starts with The Monroe Transfer, a string quartet supported by guitars and drums. Their set exists of what appears to be one long jam, apart from the fact that each and every member of the seven piece knows exactly what they're doing. Especially during the slightly more aggressive bits of their instrumental post-rock the cellist seems to be really into the performance as she dramatically works her instrument. Some might think it's a bit overdone, but I feel it flows perfectly with the music.

Next up are the aforementioned worriedaboutsatan, a two piece from Leeds if I'm correct, who last year delivered their début album Arrivals to critical acclaim (well, mine at least). As The Monroe Transfer, worriedaboutsatan - whom my spell checker keeps insisting on calling pre-privatisation for some reason -mainly rely on instrumentation, though they have chosen the electronic route. Call it ambient, call it idm, call it whatever you will (anyone else fancy some Wolf Parade?), I am most intrigued by it. My only worry with this kind of music is how it will work out live, but the guys from worriedaboutsatan don't appear to have any problems with that, as opposed to the camcorder they were planning on using during the gig. As early as during the intro the thing starts to falter, and though early attempts to get this bit of technical equipment with an apparent mind of its own working again seem to succeed, it's not long before the whole idea of shooting some footage of how their music is actually created is abandoned completely. Not that it really matters, the absence of moving pictures to look it appears to be the perfect justification to enjoy the music with once's eyes closed.

Last to enter the stage are Her Name is Calla, who have been receiving quite some love from the Drowned in Sound community, and after seeing them live, you can't help but to agree. At times, they sound rather like Elbow, and that can only be a good thing. Her Name is Calla put more emphasis on the instrumentation though, which they've got quite a wide array of as a six-piece. They've got a new album coming out, probably June this year, and have just released an EP which is allowing them to tour both through the UK and Europe (though it mainly appears to be Germany for reasons unknown).

Plugs/My Tiger My Timing @ the Lexington Yes, second time I've been to the Lexington in a week, and second time I managed to not find the bus stop that's right across the street from the venue on my way home.  Sense of direction is something I still appear to be greatly lacking in the general areas of Angel and Soho.

Though the gig is advertised on the venue's website as headlined by My Tiger My Timing, they appear to be the support act upon arrival. As with Her Name is Calla, My Tiger My Timing is one of those bands who have been getting some love in the blogosphere lately, so I thought it time to check them out myself. Their songs 'I am the Sound' (which appeared on Kitsuné  Maison Compilation 8)  and 'This Is Not The Fire' are the highlights of their set: catchy and very danceable indie/electro tracks that are played just a bit to early in the evening to get the small crowd moving.

Plugs have better luck with that part, though their music seems just a bit more bland than that of their support act. Yes, they've got the beat right, but other than that it just doesn't seem to be working for me. But maybe that's got something to do with the band being the brainchild of Morgan Quaintance of Does It Offend You, Yeah?, a band that I've also never found particularly 'thrilling'.

Fashion R-r-riot!

Today I had one those rare days when you don't actually have to do anything, so Good Friday seemed like a very good Friday to me (yes I know, that one was a bit too easy maybe). One of the things I did want to do, was go to the American Apparel rummage sale where they were selling stuff from one of my favourite stores really cheap just outside my favourite record store, which sounded very nice, in theory. However, as there was just the slightest drizzle of rain, I decided to indulge on my cheesecake leftovers in stead of travelling half way through London and risk getting my hair wet (oh, just imagine!).

Turned out I made a rather good judgement call there, as shown by the videos below. I think I'll pass on future rummage sales as well after seeing this. And is anyone else surprised by the fact that virtually everyone there is filming the event?

Or else what Mr Brown?

Just for a second there, they had me. Absolutely brilliant, and this might actually work better than all those Tory posters.

And while we're on the topic: CERN's spoof is rather brilliant as well. I loved the part where they warn you not to confuse a protonsaurus with a brontosaurus :).

Is it a Higgs boson? Is it dark matter? No! It's a NEUTRINOSAURUS!