And some other facts about Dutch people and the Netherlands, found on Google:
- The Dutch body requires the usual oxygen, food and water to function. It also requires a steady input of coffee. (true, save for the coffee in my case)
- Cyclists rule (very true)
- Belgians aren't hated, more regarded as an amusing little country full of muddleheaded peasants sorely lacking in prized Dutch virutes such as logic, intelligence and the ability to reason. (again, very true)
- Rain is a rarity. They stop work and gather at the window to gaze in awe at the raindrops. (seriously?)
- The only time the Dutch people show their emotion is when the Dutch soccerteam is playing an important match. Every street and every person is then made orange (again, true. Though I'll probably pass on the whole orange thing)
- The Dutch Mountaineering Club have to go abroad.
- Drop is a sort of candy that can only be eaten by Hollanders. It can be recognized by the colour: black. The taste is a blend between earwax and paint (black). Hollanders absolutely adore the stuff and eat many kilo's of it. There is a nationwide conspiracy to look at the faces of foreigners that were made to believe the stuff is actually edible. (absolutely true, especially the last bit)
- Don't buy wooden shoes. They will look completely ridiculous. Which is the reason they will try to sell them to you. A Hollander himself would not want to be found dead wearing them.(Preferably a Hollander doesn't want to be found dead at all).
- A Hollander is always right and he knows it.
- Mills are inevitable.
- It is not necessary to fake interest for tulips, mills, wooden shoes or cheese. Every Hollander knows you came for the soft drugs and the Amsterdam red-light district. Both are widely spread and easy to find. Just ask any Hollander over age 6.
- Hollanders do not like spending money. They would rather cut of an ear. A Hollander will be your friend for life if you give him something for free. This might explain the great success of McDonalds in Holland. The story that copper wire is an invention of two Hollanders fighting over a found cent is absolutely true.
(^this, very much so)
- Holland is small. It is sometimes rumoured that Holland is so small they take it inside when it's raining. This is not true because it rains 365 days a year. This also explains the wooden shoes: they float.
- At almost every bread meal in Holland you will find a mean looking big knife with a sharp slide in it. It is called a 'kaasschaaf' and is used to cut very thin slices of cheese (Yes, it's a Dutch invention). Never cut cheese with a regular knife, you will make yourself completely ridiculous. Another typical eating tool is the so-called bottlescraper. Beware, don't use it for that annoying itch on your back. It's designed to scrape the last bits of yoghurt or mayonnaise out of the bottle. A Hollander will use every millimeter of the product he bought. He paid for it, he'll eat it, no matter what. (how do they know these things about us, and why is so much of this true?)
- A 'Fries' is a sort of spare-Hollander that lives in the north in a province all for themselves. They love frozen water, Beerenburg (a form of euthanasia with alcohol) and endlessly pointing out that other Hollanders are not Fries. The rest of Holland looks at this behaviour the same way parents will look at an obstinate child.
- Holland is a kingdom.It just doesn't have a king but a queen and her husband is not king but a prince. The queen does not rule -much- but she's very capable in cutting ribbons and visiting other countries. She is also very decorative at state banquettes. Her son, the crown prince, will take over if she stops queening. His wife in turn will be queen so that Holland will finally have a king and queen again. April 30 is queensday but it is not the birthday of the queen but princes Juliana's, who used to be queen. Queensday, by the way, is just an excuse to drink lots of beer and sell all their old junk on the streets.
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