A guide to graduation

A few people have asked me about this, so as an expert, I will provide you with a few handy guidelines.

(If someone can find an even cheesier picture - do let me know)

• Graduate in Summer. If you graduate in June, July or August, you will continue to receive student loans until the following 1st of September without having to pay any college fees. Unfortunately, if you don't know about this, they (meaning the people handing out the free money) won't tell you about this until you've already put a final stop to your monthly financial supplies. If you graduate any other month, you have a choice: continue leading the luxurious life of a student till the 1st of September (however long that is) or face reality. The first will entitle you to student loans and free public transportation, but you'd have to continue paying college fees. So it's just a matter of how often you intend to use the train. 
• Don't take too many extra courses. Once you graduate you will get vouchers to take some classes for free after you've graduated. So if you're planning some sort of ridiculous schedule allowing you to include that one course about some otherworldly statistical method or the latest shenanigans in the field of stem cell transplantation: don't.
• Choose the person who will give the talk at your graduation wisely. Yes, you will have to ask someone to give a talk at your graduation, as they'd like it to be 'personal' (I personally think 'embarrassing' would be a more suitable denominator). But as I said: choose wisely. Go for someone with a) a loud voice to keep the elderly quiet (they are known to collectively shout that they can't hear anything, causing everybody else to hear nothing but them shouting), b) someone who doesn't cause the audience to fall asleep (even though that would take care of the problem posed under a), c) someone who you've actually worked with and finally something for personal gain: d) someone from a company or business enterprise as they have the big bucks and are thus more likely to provide you with a gift. Also, a hint for receiving your talk: you have to stand up and face the music so don't put your hands in your pockets (though I honestly wouldn't know where else to put them, maybe you should wear a straight jacket if such garments would be allowed during graduation ceremonies).
• Hand in the paperwork. As with everything, graduation has to go on file. So you have to make sure the Examination Committee has approved your placements, coursework and grades and you have to formally apply to a Master of Science examination (if you manage to fill out the form, you're considered fit for graduation). The dates when all of this has to be handed in can be found on the UMCN website, but only under the Bachelor of Science headings. The MSc examination application has to be handed in about a month before the Committee actually meets, and study plans & grades two weeks before the meeting. Officially that is. In reality there is quite some stretch in the 'final dates' you can hand things in. I for one handed in my final grades two days before the meeting and it was totally fine.
• The nasty bit. There's always a nasty bit, isn't there? So the Committee has approved and you're now a Master of Science - what to do in the two weeks before the actual ceremony? First of all: practice the evil laugh that goes with the title. Afterwards, you can start with some more paperwork. You have to let the IB-groep, Studielink, and the university know that you're no longer a student (the fist two you can do online, and Studielink will provide you with the necessary information about university forms). Also, you can probably apply for a refund of part of your college fees. Finally, you have to sort out your bank account as you won't be allowed to have a student's account. However, postpone this al long as you possibly can as accounts get a lot more expensive and the bank probably doesn't know you graduated in the first place.
• The ceremony. The final hurdle! You'll get a formal invitation that also lists the other graduates in your session. Diplomas will be handed out in alphabetical order, so you know beforehand when you're up. You can take whoever you like to the ceremony: there will only be 8 - 10 students graduating at the same time, and the lecture room is ginormous, so bring your entire family and all of your friends (preferably you should leave pets at home). Dress casual chic. Even the professors (yes, prof. Zielhuis will be there) don't dress any different then usual - apart from maybe wearing their Sunday tie on a Wednesday - so don't go all overboard on clothes. As a graduate you have to sit in the first row the entire time so, for the sake of the rest of the audience, do something nice with your hair as they will be bored for most of the time as they have to listen to stories about people they know nothing about or jokes about workings of Western Blotting or bias-corrected accelerated bootstrap methods. There will be free drinks afterwards (essential information!). But most of all: do try to enjoy it a bit. 
• The afterlife. As you're an alumnus now, you'll get to join the alumni society, which entitles you to at least one free food event a year. Also, you get to keep your @student.ru.nl e-mail address for six months, and you can choose to hold on to it for another six months. Good to know if you'd like to apply for a job and don't want to use your hotmail.